Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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