I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We got so high we made milksteak
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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