textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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