I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
