ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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