Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
