fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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