fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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