"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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