my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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