When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
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