So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
