last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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