i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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