I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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