Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
