I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
