yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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