I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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