Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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