He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
