i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
