Who wears a wallet chain?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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