you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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