so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize