OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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