Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my nose is crying tears of wow.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
