We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
