just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
