I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
