plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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