my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
