i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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