i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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