Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
