so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
