i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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