alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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