My underwear smells like fireworks.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
