You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
