Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
