Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
