We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
