i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
whose parrot is this?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
