that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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