Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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