so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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