can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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