Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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