I must be too annoying 4 u.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
