He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
