I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
