i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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