Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
