i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
