I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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