So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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