next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
