did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
