I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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