i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
