I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
