Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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