wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize