'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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