I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Too much gin, very little bucket
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
