Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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