Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize