Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
