Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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