I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
