I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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