after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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