Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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