So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
