hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
