u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
