this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its liver damage thursday
Randomize