sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
