Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
